How Do I Stop Being So Angry?

Holistic Practitioner Spotlight with Mariya Shiyko, a Holistic Life Coach and Healer.

We are speaking with Mariya Shiyko, PhD,  on her approach to individuals struggling with anger.

Tell Us a Story About How You Helped a Client Whose Issues With Anger Stripped Her of Any Joy

Jenny, a young professional woman in her early 30s is recently married to the love of her life and they are expecting a baby. OK, let’s back up a bit! When Jenny called me she said that she is generally a kind person but she has angry outbursts damaging her relationships and sending her into guilt and shame trips. She recognized that her anger also extinguished any joy. She wanted to fix it.

Here is what transpired on our first visit together:

“Jenny, I want you to close your eyes and be with me right NOW. What are you feeling?”

“Guilt”

“Let’s just breathe for a few seconds together. Shall we?”

After spending 5 minutes on centering, I ask her this question:

“What is behind this anger, Jenny?”

“Fear”

It takes her no time to respond. She knows it.

“What do you do when you feel fear?”

“I don’t want to feel it. I try to push it away.”

“Jenny, what do you need to do when you feel fear? What would be an alternative to having an angry outburst?”

She pauses.

What I am doing here is that I am asking her to tell me what works best for her. I am holding a space of very deep presence and unconditional love. I am not asking her reactive mind to come up with the solution. Instead, I am reaching for Jenny’s Higher Self, so to speak – the part of her that is wise, patient, loving, healing, and transformative.

“Can you ask this question in a different way?” – she responds.

“Sure.

Jenny, feel. Don’t think about it. Just feel. Connect to the moment when you feel fear. What is it really about?”

Jenny tells me that, when she is scared, she begins to project about her future and that everything will go wrong. For example, if her husband is tired now, she thinks that he will be tired when they have a baby and that she will be left all alone dealing with stuff. Also, she starts going back and thinking how all people in the past have taken advantage of her and her generosity, and how now she is being too generous and too kind, and that she should cut back on it.

What Jenny is dealing with is very common. I tell her exactly that so that she doesn’t feel guilty about herself. I tell her that many people experience that, even people who are smart, successful, and educated.

What had Jenny tried before seeking you out?

What makes Jenny and I a good match is that she is interested in meditation, spirituality, and personal growth. While she has never worked with anyone before, she read some books, did yoga, and was generally interested in psychology and personal development.

How did you arrive at your strategy?

I’ve been working with clients for over 10 years and have seen a variety of problems. My training is in alternative healing modalities that prioritize:

• Self-empowerment
• Joy
• Well-being
• Mind-body-spirit integrative approach

I am trained in several dozen modalities, and, after meeting with the client for the first time, assess what would be the best course of treatment.

What modalities or therapies did you implement and what was the outcome of the services you provided?

In my work with Jenny, we are healing her inner child. Healing the inner child is a process of:

1. Building awareness around beliefs, ideas, habits, behaviors, and choices
2. Noticing how those inner processes are related to life experiences
3. Making gradual conscious changes around the inner processes in the effort to shift the external circumstances.

The “inner child” is something that you can’t see directly because it mostly refers to things that go on in the invisible realm. A few examples of this are thoughts, emotions, habits, and fears. But the effect of it is definitely noticeable on the lives of pretty much anyone.

For Jenny, it is about fear and how her fear sends her either into the painful past or makes her project about the future. This prevents her from being in the present with the person that she really loves dearly, who is absolutely loving, amazing, and supportive of her.

In the process of uncovering and healing her inner child, Jenny was able to understand things she needed to do as a preventive strategy.

• She must rest! Because if she doesn’t, she cannot be present and make decisions that are the best for her.
• She takes walks during the day
• She listens to the music she enjoys
• She stops herself when she begins to worry about her life

“I am having so much fun with it,” – she said.

“I actually know a bunch of local squirrels and birds now.  It’s fun.”

After a few months of working together, Jenny is now able to know when she needs a break. She also asks her husband for help. And he is happy to help.

Instead of being angry, which helps no one, she now gets tangible help which unloads her burden.

Why and When Did You Choose the Holistic Path?

I started my path when I was struggling in life – with health, at work, and in romantic relationships. At some point, I realized that I needed help. I started learning from books, workshops, and individual sessions.

While I already had a very successful profession, I decided to pursue further studies in alternative healing modalities. First, to help myself and understand the deeper reasons behind my personal struggles.

With time, it transitioned into a healing practice, so that now I can help others. It is very fulfilling and rewarding work for me. I’ve walked the path and now I guide others on their journeys.

What Lessons Have Your Work and Personal Experiences Taught You?

1) Patience with myself, because I am not perfect and sometime I go into my old patterns. I’ve learned to reduce self-judgment and take every step as a learning opportunity

2) Power of joy and how joy is a choice and that I can choose joy at will. This has been a very empowering lesson for me. It changed my life.

3) Mind-blowing intuition skills that I’ve developed over many years of experience, trial, and errors. I use my intuition in my life and work.

Biography

Mariya Shiyko, PhD, is a healer and a holistic life coach. She works with clients from all over the world. Mariya is based in Boston, MA, and holds a degree in metaphysics and alternative healing modalities. To work with her, schedule a free consultation

Visit Mariya’s Website

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